In Defense of Chastity

In common usage, chastity is often a synonym for virginity. However, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we use the word in a broader sense. We talk about the law of chastity when we’re referring to the guideline God has given us for sexual relationships, specifically, no sexual relations before marriage and after marriage, sexual relations only with our spouse. This concept isn’t unique to our church, however. Traditional Jewish and Muslim people, as well as Christians of most denominations, adhere (or try to adhere) to the same standard.

Of course, people of other faiths or people who aren’t religious at all may wonder why such a standard is necessary. Aren’t we just being ridiculously uptight? By being so restrictive, aren’t we cutting ourselves off from a lot of pleasure and maybe even causing ourselves problems later on? In my experience, the answer is no.

In this post, I’m going to rely heavily on the words of Jeffrey R. Holland. Holland (in the Church, we call him “Elder Holland”) is a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church. In a general conference of the Church in 1998, he gave a talk called “Personal Purity.” (You can read the full text here. I highly recommend it.) In it, he lays out our belief in the importance of reserving sexual intimacy for the marriage relationship. He does so based on three principles.

First is the importance of the physical body in God’s plan. In our theology, we believe that the body and the spirit together form the soul. To take advantage of someone else’s body, even with that person’s permission, is to abuse his or her soul.

Second, sexual intimacy is a symbol of the kind of total union that marriage is meant to create. This is what God was talking about when he commanded Adam and Eve to become “one flesh.” Let me quote a couple of paragraphs:

But such a total union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with solemn promises and the pledge of all they possess—their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams.

Can you see the moral schizophrenia that comes from pretending you are one, pretending you have made solemn promises before God, sharing the physical symbols and the physical intimacy of your counterfeit union but then fleeing, retreating, severing all such other aspects of what was meant to be a total obligation?

To bond with another person so deeply and then tear away the bonded place can only cause pain. The damage may eventually scar over, and we’ll find it all the harder to form those bonds in the future.

Finally, sexual intercourse is the means by which human beings participate in the creative process with God. Sex literally creates new people. There is no greater power human beings will ever have, and we are expected to use it carefully.

I would like to add one more answer of my own to the suggestion that people who faithfully obey the law of chastity deny themselves of too much. I will admit that it’s true that I have missed out on a lot of things by living this law. I’ve missed out on fear and heartbreak. I’ve never looked at a positive pregnancy test in terror. 

By embracing the gospel concept of chastity, I’ve been cut off from guilt, self-loathing, and sexually transmitted diseases. I’ve traded the possibility of sex with dozens of strangers for soul-deep intimacy with one man who shares not only my bed but my home and my family, my fears, my responsibilities, and my covenants.

I definitely got the better end of this trade, and these blessings are available to anyone willing to make the small but vital sacrifice of embracing the fullest meaning of chastity.