As Christ Also Loved the Church

My mission today is to take back the word “Pollyanna” from the people who use it as an insult. Today, “Pollyanna” refers to someone who naively ignores reality in favor of seeing only the good or pleasant parts of life. Nobody wants to be naïve, and we can’t solve life’s problems if we persistently ignore them, but using “Pollyanna” that way is unfair to a wonderful fictional character. For those who’ve never seen the Disney classic starring Hayley Mills, you can read a quick summary of the plot on Wikipedia . The important point is that Pollyanna learned to play the “Glad Game” from her father, a poor missionary. The game sprang from her disappointment when, instead of finding a longed-for doll in the barrel of donations sent to the missionary family, she received a crutch. Her father said she should be glad that at least she didn’t need a crutch because both her legs worked. He assured her that in any situation, you can find something to be glad about if you try hard enough....

I’m at the age where I go to a lot of bridal showers for the next generation—my kids, my nieces and nephews, the children of friends and cousins. Recently, I’ve noticed a new activity. Guests are asked to take a slip of paper or a 3x5 card and give the bride and groom some advice on how to have a happy marriage. The first time I stared down at that card, I was baffled. What could I say? Some things that came to my mind were obviously true but sounded kind of pretentious (a scripture quotation or an admonition to always be Christ-like). Others were also true, but I’d be too embarrassed to share them (say yes to sex every chance you get, especially after you have kids). Here’s the one thing I settled on: Be kind. I might elaborate if I’m in the mood, but this is the core of it. Just be kind. In marriage, you learn your partner’s secrets, his fears and vulnerabilities. You know exactly how to break his heart. No one else will know better than you where to drive the knife to ...

You may have heard someone say that the traditional ending of every fairy tale—"and they lived happily ever after”—is a lie. Finding your “prince” and getting married doesn’t put an end to problems, and it definitely doesn’t lead to permanent bliss. All of that is certainly true, but I still believe in “happily ever after.” How can I say that? Because after twenty-eight years of marriage, I understand that “happily” doesn’t mean “perfectly,” and it sure doesn’t mean “easily.” I don’t need an end to troubles or a state of never-ending bliss to live happily with my own Prince Charming. Marriage is a lot of work—undeniably. It requires patience, with myself and my husband. It needs kindness, a sense of humor, and occasionally, selective hearing. It also takes something else that we don’t hear about too much these days—self-sacrifice. Sometimes, being happy in marriage requires me to think about what my husband and children need before I think about what I want. I wa...

Supporters and opponents of same-sex marriage often seem to be shouting past each other. It can seem that neither side really hears or understands the other. In fact, it’s easy for each side to believe that the other is motivated by anger, bigotry, or hatred. Does it have to be that way? I don’t think it does. If we each make the effort to put ourselves in the other’s place for a moment, we can at least let go of the belief that our opponents are bad people. We can see each other as well-intentioned if misguided, trying to live in what we believe is the best way possible. It may not seem like much, but in our contentious world, it would be a big improvement. Let’s start by trying to understand the fundamental values from which each side starts. What things do we assume to be true? Those fundamentals influence the logical leaps we make in our arguments. If the two sides are beginning from different places (and of course they are), then it’s no wonder they arrive at differe...

        We all belong to many communities at the same time, communities of different sizes with different purposes and different amounts of influence in our lives. Some communities touch only one area of your life; others are wound into every facet of our existence. They are often the source of our fundamental values and priorities. I have been the most influenced throughout my life by my immediate family and my church, and those two communities themselves are tightly interwoven. I believe the family I have today exists because of the teachings we received from our church. At the same time, I wouldn’t belong to the church I do if it weren’t for the influence of my family. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the things the Church is most famous for is its emphasis on families. As I attended church growing up, I learned the song “I Am a Child of God,” which begins “I am a child of God/And He has sent me here,/Has given me an ...